Top 6 Reasons You’re Getting Frustrated
So you rage quit the drums the other day? Yeah, this article is for you…
I think we’ve all been to a point, where, regardless of what we put into our instrument, we’re not hearing what what we want to hear, or feeling what we want to feel out of our own playing. And this can be very frustrating!
I recently had a regular student who came to me and I inquired about his practice time. Pausing, he seemed a bit weary, looking somewhat shameful, in confiding to me that, he hadn’t been practicing a whole lot this week. I left him some space to talk, and he finally confided to me… That he has an “anger problem” and he has been experiencing a lot of frustration during his practice time. And this frustration has been discouraging him from practicing the drums. We have found the enemy. The cycle of frustration of keeping individuals from wanting to play their instrument, is an absolute musician KILLER..
In response; I had to confide back to him; I have also had my struggles with anger and frustration in my practice time. To put it mildly; I have rage quit the drums.
I have been consumed by frustration leading to complete abandonment of an instrument(despite a lot of innate talent)
I have also defeated, and worked past frustration.
Frustration and anger behind what I am doing is no foreign enemy to me. I know him well, and I have put him in his place. Let’s look at why we get frustrated during practice, and how to overcome this.
The Top 6 Reasons We’re Getting Frustrated
Every instance I can think of which has led to frustration, has always involved an overt or covert expectation, that is not being met. It is important to understand that the root of our frustration is a desire for something higher in nature, from ourselves. With that being said, that leaves us with two variables that we need to manage:
Expectations/Goals
Our means by which we achieve those goals
Let’s examine the different ways these are affected that lead to frustration in our playing.
Influence From Social Media
Today, social media is pervasive. It’s often times the first thing many of us go to for our social needs and it offers a level of accessibility that is unprecedented in human history. This has its pro’s and con’s. While, on one hand, people can draw abundant influence from seemingly endless creativity and beauty in what people are publishing (for “FREE”) on social media; On the other, there seems to be an abundance of material that seems to be pushing limits for the sake of pushing limits. Perhaps a one up type of competition for attention. And of course, social media’s soul is truly: your attention. They have mastered the art of getting it. And they sell it. Naturally, algorithms tend to favor the latter. And you, the consumer, are consuming material that leaves you feeling less than adequate in the wake of it. Your sense of expectations are being highjacked by the mesmerizing foam that floats on top of the attention soup of social media.
The Remedy: It is so important to recognize social media for what it is. While it serves as a connecting network for groups of likeminded people, it is also a world stage for the best of attention grabbers to compete, (meanwhile the platform itself is making millions and capitalizing off of the intrinsic influential power). Be aware of your personal joy in playing music, and cater to IT, and do NOT allow the allure of base level “attention seeking behavior” to distract you from what really makes YOU beautiful as a person, or as a musician. Read this carefully: You, as a human, stand apart; from the abundance of all living organisms on earth; and from the great void of life within knowable limits of the Cosmos in that; YOU have the capacity to recognize and create beauty. That is the purpose of music as a whole. As a drummer, you serve the music.
Unrealistic Self Standards
Sometimes, we simply don’t hold ourselves to reasonable standards. I am my own worst critic and you are likely your own worst critic. I am sure there are people in this world that perhaps don’t experience this inner critic, however, most of the people I know will point out flaws in their own playing before anyone els ever could or would. This inner critic isn’t necessarily a problem. It is an aspect of ourselves that can guide us in the direction of growth as a musician, or as a person. However, if you hand they keys to the vessel over to your own self critic (If self criticism is a means to an end in your mind) I can assure you, you are in for a frustrating journey. In a healthy “MEcosystem,” the critic is a means to new goals. One of the biggest problems I see is not having a concrete goals, and biting off too big of chunks for our neural muscular system/mind to handle.
Example: Timmy is playing along trying to do something unspecific, and Timmy has an idea of what he wants to do in his head. His goal, at this point, is only still an idea. Idea’s are fluid. Timmy is plugging along and, by his idea’s standards from 20 minutes ago, he is probably doing fine… However his goals are still only just momentary idea’s. The goal post has already moved. He just ran, with his head down, past the end zone into the next field. Now he is frustrated because he has another 100 yards left! And Timmy is stuck in a cycle of frustration, from not being able to achieve an ephemeral idea in his own head. This is what giving the critic the keys looks like.
The Remedy: - Have concrete goals for yourself. Make sure that you are working toward specific time limits, certain BPM’s, and making real notes of your capabilities in what you’re able to do before you start and what you want to be able to do (It’s usually a “real” note, if there is a number associated with it). Better yet is to have a practice journal where you log specifically, how long you’ve practiced, what day it is, and what you practiced.
[Note: In regards to the practice journal: Consistency is far more important than detail. Recording details won’t hurt, but make sure you’re at least regularly tracking time and general notes. See my Resources section for a link to my practice log.]
Stagnation In Progress
You’re actually not getting any better, despite your efforts. (UGH VERY FRUSTRATING) Particularly for self taught beginners and early intermediate players, we reach a point where beginner “gains” have stagnated. We are playing every day. But if we’re self objective, we notice we are not making very much progress, if any at all. Intuition can only take anyone so far, after all. I have been in this situation. It is extremely frustrating. This truly comes down to your practice time. “How to practice” is a very complex subject that could occupy an entire blog post in its own right. However…
Remedy: - Here are the most common problems with practice time:
You are not practicing enough - This is may seem obvious, but it must be said: If you’re not putting in enough time, your not going to see the progress you want to see. Its not just about the quantity of time either. It is far more important to practice for 10 minutes, out of 7 days out of the week, than to play 70 minutes, out of one day of the week. Make sure you are setting aside DAILY time to practice.
You are not focusing enough - Are you sitting down to practice by blasting your favorite song in your ears and playing to it? If so, there is an issue. This is not focused practice. In order to effectively practice, you need to play in such a way they you are isolating a specific concept you want to improve upon. There is still a time and place to jam out to your music. But just know that jamming is not practicing.
You are practicing too much - This, typically, will not cause an issue of complete stagnation in progress. However, it’s still worth mentioning that, you CAN practice too much. If you are frustrated, putting hours into something very specific, and you feel like you are just hitting the wall, you are probably practicing too much. You need to stop, go play some music with people, go enjoy some food with your friends, get some good sleep, and come back tomorrow. I promise you, whatever it was that had you against a wall, will no longer be an obstacle.
Parental Expectations
This one is for the youngsters and their parents. Parents naturally love their children, and want to see them succeed. I would argue that, having a supportive family is quintessential to wether a child will succeed in playing any instrument at all. If Mom says “No, we’re not getting you a drum set….Period…” Timmy is simply NOT going to be playing the drums. I absolutely applaud the parents who say YES to drum, and encourage their children, providing a positive supporting environment. This is critical in their success. And while parents may mean well, it is important to have loving support, with boundaries, as not to set expectations that may make your child weary of wanting to play, and causing distress and frustration in their practice time. Children truly want nothing more than to make their parents happy. And we need to be careful about that. I personally have also had a lot of experience with this.
Remedy: - Here are the Do’s and Don’ts as a parent:
Do accommodate to provide the necessary resources for your child to play (budget providing) - This includes hardware, equipment, as well as instructional resources and lessons.
Do serve as a means of personal accountability - See that your child is practicing. Of course don’t be overbearing about it, but in general, if they are not practicing, see why that may be. Be open and objective about it.
Do get them instructional resources - This is basically listed twice, because it is so important to have the right feedback to foster growth.
Do Not discourage your child from playing - This may seem obvious, but must be said. It is also worth noting that discouragement can come in forms that are covert as well as overt.
Do Not badger your child to play - Sometimes this takes the facade of encouragement. Do NOT do this. Nobody can want your child to play an instrument more than they want to play it. Sometimes your child may be shy, find that drums are not for them, or they are a little bored with it. It is ok to take breaks and leave room for inspiration(this is super important with younger musicians). And if its truly not for them, you can always sell the gear.
Do Not provide any personal feedback - Do not provide negative feedback(criticize) or provide positive feedback(compliment) their playing. This may seem counter intuitive, but it is very important that your child is NOT:
1. Feeling as though they may be disappointing you during his practice time or
2. playing to impress you.
These are two side of the same token. And the token revolves around…you. What is important is that your child is enjoying what they are doing, making progress, and you are happy for him in his happiness on his journey. (The only caveat is: If you are a qualified instructor for the instrument and can provide objective helpful feedback; Or your child asks for feedback.)
You’re Gear Sounds Like $#!T
Have you ever been playing, stopped, and suddenly, a light shone upon you through the ceiling, and a voice said unto thee, ‘if only you had a DW performance series, and a set of Zildjian K sweet cymbals, your drumming would then surly sound great.’ I’ve heard that same voice. Unfortunately, thats just materialism…And you should probably just practice if you really want to sound better. XD
HOWEVER…Drums are expensive. We are all trying to save money. But I am here to tell you that, there is a budget threshold you should NOT go under when buying drum equipment, because, regardless of how well you play it or set it up, it simply won’t sound good. And it will FRUSTRATE you. Im talking about the clattering pedal, the REALLY cheap cymbals, the drum set so cheap it won’t take a tune, and the stool that creaks and wobbles. All of these things are frustrating.
Remedy: - Most of the time, you should really just learn to play better. However, there’s a point where your gear may be the weakest link in how you sound. Be aware of this, and if you can afford it, buy better gear. On the plus side, the overall quality of less expensive drums has improved significantly over the years with better manufacturing processes and high quality musical instruments tend to hold their value over time.
Taking Your Playing Too Seriously
Lastly, we are all making noise. Literally. Aesthetically pleasing noise at best. It is simply noise that people want to hear. It’s fundamentally the same substance the lawn mower running next door, or the plane flying overhead is made of. Every musician in their attempts to improve their skills, has spent more of their time than not, playing things that was probably somewhere between the lawn mower, and a symphonic masterpiece, on a scale of Beauty. It is somewhat like the songbird, it doesn’t touch you as much as it might touch another female bird, but nonetheless we tend to see beauty in it, because we respect the “higher intelligence” in its nature. It’s all just music. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Hopefully after all of this, you have isolated the enemy, put him in his place, and have clear mental faculties to create a plan and move forward. Now….
GO PRACTICE
